Redefining Selfish

We hear it every time we fly: “place the oxygen mask first on yourself, and then worry about taking care of others.” Growing up, most of us learned a completely opposing viewpoint. “Don’t be selfish,” was the message repeatedly pounded into the child psyche. And so we learned, at least most of us did, and then we grew up and taught our offspring the same lesson. Much of the time the words came out in frustration, or even in anger, but always they came as a reaction to something the child did or more accurately, did not do, such as share a toy or offer a hand-me-down to a younger sibling. 

It’s true that as humans, we need to learn valuable lessons for reciprocal relationships, but too often the message is internalized as one of not being worthy. Giving too much makes one off balanced and generally seeps out in passive-aggressive actions. A wife who feels resentful may stop doing the little niceties that her family has come to expect. By stifling her resentment, she may even turn that hidden emotion into depression. 

Suicide and homicide are two sides of the same knife. The blade cuts inward or outward, but make no mistake, it’s a sharp weapon waiting to slice when the resentment becomes too much.

What then, is the solution? It is up to each and every one of us to fill our own cups, and to assertively (NOT AGGRESSIVELY) say “No,” when we have given too much. It is not an act of obstinacy to do what is in our own best interest, and overloading our metaphorical plate is not a healthy, balanced thing to do. Besides, if anger steals the joy, what possible happiness and reward can come of generosity?

We are as energy conduits, and as a consistent balanced flow of energies circulates through up, as we receive and give in equal streams, we are perfectly, powerfully in harmony. As a result, we are also more in harmony with our loved ones.

Redefine selfish to mean doing what is in your own best interest. Encourage others to do the same, and watch how much equilibrium there is in personal empowerment. It may be a challenge initially, but be patient, and above all else, be aware. Ceasing to stuff hidden resentments will free up a lot of personal energy that will then be available for higher-minded purposes.

And if someone should say, “You’re being selfish,” be sure and smile and say thank you. After all, if you don’t take care of yourself, who will?